Crushed grapes CAN PRODUCE tasty wine…

I was reading a reflection from one of my authors, Henri Nouwen, the other day and he made this statement that “crushed grapes can produce tasty wine”. Sometimes, for me, imagery can really drive home a point to my psyche that just words do not work. Long after I read that, the image kept returning to me, so I knew that it held an important message that I needed to unpack in my brain.

Of course, as I thought about this image, the first thing that came to me was of Lucy and Ethel in the show where they are actually inside of a huge barrel, walking in place as they crushed the grapes! It was hilarious to watch their faces as the grapes squished under their feet… that is really all I remembered about that episode, and it has stuck with me all through these years!

But once I finished laughing at that memory, I really began to think about the meaning of those words…”crushed grapes can produce tasty wine”… what was the lesson in there for ME, or even for ANYONE?

I can remember times in my life when I have felt “crushed”, and the weight on top of me seemed to be squeezing every piece of life from me. It could have been the weight of a big job or project that seemed to be overwhelming to me, where I could see nothing positive FOR ME… it was that kind of heaviness brings forth little or no hope that something good will result.

It could be the loss of a relationship that I held very dear, and no matter how hard I tried to hold onto it, the life of that relationship was being drained. And dying out. It was that feeling of wanting so much to change the result, to change the other person’s mind or actions so that it could be resurrected, yet finally realizing that I have nothing left to stop the end…

it could also be the loss of a loved one… someone I loved deeply and felt connected to, and as much as. I wanted to hold onto a spark of their life, the light was slowly being stamped out, and my final realization that I was powerless to change the result.

In each of these instances, it is hard to realize at the time, that there could possibly be anything to come out of this. That idea that “the end might just be the beginning”, is not in my field of vision, and there just seems to be the darkness and emptiness or the void of what comes next. When I am at that point, hearing that from another person really has little impact because I am so crushed that seeing and hearing and feeling that does not compute.

So, what helps at that particular moment? From MY experience, the one thing that helps is having someone BEING THERE…. it is not someone with words, because I may not be able to hear them, but if I can FEEL their presence with me, then the weight can be shared in some way, and the burden can be lessened in a way.

Gradually, and much slower than we wish, we just might find a glimmer of hope, of light that is beginning to poke through the deep clouds… it is in that place that I begin to see that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I can find, or make something good come out of this situation. I might be open to a different possibility of a job, I may open my heart to take a chance on making another friend, or I can remember the happy memories and the good things my loved one has taught me.

“Crushed grapes can INDEED produce tasty wine”, but only if we are open to it….

A Foolish Consistency…

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read this quote this morning and really began to pick apart what Emerson was talking about… many times we get just a snippet of a reading or conversation, and without the context of the rest, we need to stop and consider what that means TO US.

As I age, I find that one of the things I fight is getting stuck in a rut, or seeing things only one way (usually MY way), and just sticking with what I have been told or learned in life. To a certain extent, I think that maybe we all have that tendency to see things from only one perspective…it is either the way we were taught, or the ideas we develop, or often it can depend on the group of people we associate with.

Rigidity is a word that I would not usually use to describe myself, but, as I thought about this quote, I had to wonder, and look deeper into some of my beliefs, opinions, and conclusions. Learning to be FLEXIBLE seems to be something I am having to learn on this journey… I can remember when I believed that things had to go “just one way”, and I would end up either angry or disappointed if they didn’t go according to MY plan. I can see now that I really wasted a lot of time, energy, and happiness because I wanted things to stay the same.

One example is our Polish traditions, which I hold sacred, and want to pass on to my children and their families. On Christmas Eve, the custom was that we had a certain meal of cream of mushroom soup (homemade by my grandmother), fish, rice, pierogi (again, homemade) and some assorted vegetable. There was no dessert, even though we had baked Christmas cookies and my grandmother would bake placek, a kind of Polish coffee cake. I am sure that everyone has some kind of ” tradition” that has been passed on… now, there is nothing wrong with traditions, but we can become obsessive in keeping them exactly the way we remember them from our youth.

In our case, living away from all of our family, I was determined to keep those traditions, no matter what, until I realized that my husband and sons hated the soup, tolerated the fish, but would much rather have something else for dinner. So, as time went by, I had to pick and choose which traditions we would keep, and which we would let go and not feel guilty… we still share the blessed “Christmas bread” and wish each person a Merry Christmas, and we still read the Christmas story, but now we have homemade lasagna, salad, AND we do have some Christmas cookies! As I age, I am beginning to keep some of the consistency from the past, and while others were not particularly “foolish”, I could be open enough to form “new traditions”.

The same can be said for beliefs, opinions, etc., and if we could all open our minds some, to SEE things from a different perspective, how different the world could be. Being willing to learn about different cultures, religions, and people in general, maybe we could see that there is more COMMONALITY among us than long-believed differences that we have come to believe from the past.

As I age, I have come to understand that, while there ARE still some things that are BLACK and WHITE, there are many, many GRAY AREAS, where one can expand one’s mind and understanding, thus becoming a more understanding person. In a world that seems to be separating into “SIDES”, we are losing the ability to sit with one another, to listen to each other, and to respect another’s perspective… we CAN agree to disagree, and MAYBE, just MAYBE we will come to a more peaceful world.

It is SO worth it to at least TRY…..

Using what you have…

This week we have not been able to leave our site since this is our week to work, so I tried to be sure that I had everything needed for the week… well, you know how THAT goes! After being used to having a grocery store less than a mile from our house, I was always making those “quick trips” to pickup what I forgot. Of course now you can even go online, order what you need, and either have it delivered or pick it up at the store without ever setting foot inside! What luxury….

Today I was making my granddaughter’s favorite, baked spaghetti, when I realized that I was missing an important ingredient. Now, I am usually able to tweak a recipe, and make it work, but today I got to thinking about those persons who are in need of things, and have no way or means to get them… yesterday, we had a homeless couple that came to the campground wanting to stay the night. They had a small tent, some blankets, but the temperature was supposed to drop to 32 degrees overnight. They were young, and quickly said they would be fine, so we rented them a site but it worried me that they were there with so little.

We took them some firewood, helped them build a fire, and as we talked I asked them if they had eaten… their reply was, “Oh, we had a sandwich at noon today”. As they sat by the fire, we asked them where they were from, and where they were going… they gave a vague answer and I could tell they had no real plan. We asked if they were sure they would be ok, the young man replied with a smile, “Oh yes, we have lots of clothes to put on and we are used to doing with what we have!”

As we went back to our warm trailer, I warmed up some soup we had leftover, got some crackers, and made a couple grilled cheese sandwiches for them… they were very grateful, saying that God always looked out for them and they knew he would continue. We didn’t ask any questions, but going back to our place this weighed heavily on my mind… how many people out there are like this couple, trying to make it in today’s world? How many people are in positions where they have to “make do” with what they have?

I seem to be finding more and more that there is a very wide variance in people today, AND in the situations they find themselves. Today, this lesson came back to me as I realized, once again, just how blessed I am…. it has also made me understand that need to use what I have to help another in need because you never know when it might be YOU that needs the help.

Just a thought…. oh, and yes, the baked spaghetti was just fine!

“ The only thing no that matters is the direction in which I am moving”

FIFTY YEARS… that is a very long time! Fifty years ago, at about this same time (5pm), I was walking in to the church, both excited AND scared about what lie ahead, and I am sure that my soon-to-be husband had the same feelings. We were both 19 years old, he just getting out of basic training with the Air Force, and I was ready to follow him to Ohio. Today, I would say that was WAY TOO YOUNG, but the Vietnam War had forced many young people to make decisions much earlier than they might have made without the war…

It has been a wild ride… spending the first year with our son, without his father, gave me a taste of what it is like to be a single parent, and when Ken returned from Okinawa, our son had no idea who this person was! There was an adjustment time, but gradually, he accepted his Dad, and we set out for Little Rock, Arkansas, a place I had no idea about. Two years later, a second son was born, and with Ken traveling for months at a time, I once again was a single parent without family, etc.

There were thoughts of returning to Buffalo, NY, but doors never opened up for us, and so we decided to remain in Little Rock, AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING. The one thing I was grateful for was that we were no longer part of the Air Force, we were now together as a family, and we began to build our lives there. That was 48 years ago, and we still consider that to be home….

So, as I reflect on these years, I remember the great times, the good times, the not-so-good times, and the bad times…. as they say, “A lot of water has run under the bridge”. Life certainly didn’t go the way I thought it would on that wedding day, and I cannot even remember what I thought life would be… I only know for sure that what I wanted was to be with my husband.

Today, as I look back, I do believe that the only thing that matters is the direction in which one is moving, AND who one is traveling with…. after 50 years, I am still grateful to be traveling this life journey with the love of my life, no matter what the future holds for us…

Happy Anniversary to US!

Just do it before it’s too late…

I read a proverb last night that really made me think…

“The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago; the second best time to plant a tree is NOW.”

It seems to me that so much of my life has been looking back at the things I wish I had done years ago, but I am finding that, as I grow older, I am recognizing faster the fact that this is useless energy spent. So, instead I am looking for those things I CAN DO TODAY, and refusing to be sidetracked by guilt and regret… this is taking a lot of practice and patience to change a thought pattern.

This has especially come to me since we have moved to Lee’s Summit, MO… this has been such a blessing, in so many ways for us:

1. We have obtained a position for 6 months working as Campground Attendants, meaning that we stay free and do not pay for lot, utilities, wood, firewood, which will be a big savings for us through September, and Ken will actually earn a little extra money to replenish our funds.

2. We work 7 days on and 7 days off, so that we still have free time to travel some and also return to Little Rock for a few days at a time.

3, We are living about 25 miles from our oldest son, Kris and his wife, Brandie, and their daughters Ashlyn and Courtney, so that we can see them more often.

Of course, the last reason is the biggest blessing, in that we will be more available to do things with them or just BE WITH them… until now, the girls (ages 17 and 14) have lived away from family. This is the way our sons grew up, being 1200 miles from any family. I remember always wishing that we were closer for holidays and celebrations, but, more importantly, for the Grandparent’s Days or when the boys played sports, etc. It was one of my regrets through the years….

So, last Thursday, we got to attend Courtney’s swim meet, and we cheered with pride as she swam faster in her individual race, plus brought her team home to first place in the relays! We were so proud watching her, and she seemed to be excited that she had a ‘cheering section’…. later on, in talking with my son, he commented that they are really happy that we are here.

As I come to terms with, and let go of the past, I am realizing that I have TODAY… I don’t know how many tomorrows I have, but I DO have today, and it is up to me to decide what I can, and will, do with today….

Living with regret is a useless exercise, but truly living is a choice that we make every morning… it may be just making a phone call, sending a short note, or taking a short walk… whatever it may be, choose to make use of your day, TODAY!

“Who knows but that it was for just a time as this that you were born?”

Have you ever wished that you had been born at a different time? How about this: Have you ever wondered why you have been born at THIS particular time in the world’s history? I think that is why I so love to read novels because it can transport me to a place and time in the story, and makes me wonder what I would do in that situation.

In the Old Testament, the story of Esther, who becomes Queen, has all the elements of drama, revenge, and a sense of foreboding. She finds out of the plan to kill every Jew in a single day because of the hatred of Haman (second to the king) for the Jewish servant, Mordecai. When she hears of this order, she is very distressed for she is a Jew as well, and she mourns for her people.

Without knowing if she could make a difference, Mordecai challenges her with the words, “Who knows but that it was for a time such as this that you were born?” Esther finally makes the decision to go to the king and plead for her people, and is able to change his mind and reverse his order, and Haman, the one who had planned for the destruction was punished.

Fast forward to today’s world, and to the sinister forces at work… if you watch one news broadcast, you will hear of one, if not many, things going on that cause the same kind of drama, revenge, and sense of foreboding. It is hard to hear of the greed, hate, and callousness that is dominating the world right now… usually, after almost the entire broadcast has given this “news for the day”, they try to end the broadcast with a story of something good that has happened or been done, and my guess is that this in an attempt to keep us from despair.

There are times that I wonder if there is anything I can do, as ONE PERSON, that will make a difference in some way… there is always the voice that tells me, “It’s useless!”, and if I allow myself to follow that voice, I will do nothing. It is then that I need to remember these words, “Who knows but that it was for a time such as this that I was born”…. perhaps I WAS born for just such a time as this!

It is very easy to throw up your hands and lament what is happening… it is easy to feel helpless and that it is not even worth the effort. Last night, as we sat by the campfire watching it slowly start burning, I was reminded of a song that I heard once:

It only takes a spark to get a fire going

In a world that is obsessed with “big results”, I think we sometimes forget that it may be those “little acts of kindness” that can have an impact…. it may be for only one person, or it can be for an entire community , but it would never happen if I (WE) don’t at least try, and who knows how it just might spread!

May I keep my eyes open to recognize what kind of spark I can light today… how about YOU?